5 SIGNS A RELATIONSHIP IS COMPLETE
By: Olubode Shawn Brown
After by birthday last weekend I spent sometime reviewing the year —being grateful and reflecting on my relationships —the ones that are working and the ones that are not.
I was in the midst of this on Saturday when a 4 hour conversation happened with my longtime friend and confidant Orin. We talked among other things about the idea of “completion.” We both run businesses and have strong friendships in which personal and business relationships are changing in different ways, sometimes not for the best. He has been using this idea to mutually look at a relationship and check for what he calls “completion” — the presence of which allow him and an employee to consciously choose to allow the relationship evolve.
Net net, he doesn’t “fire” anyone.
Here is what we both saw about completion as we applied it to both business and personal relationships.
1. A relationship is complete when…
A relationship is complete when the thing or experience that one or both parties needed or where looking for from each other are now found within themselves or in other persons.
2. What we each need and often seek from each other is…
– to be heard
– to be allowed to change
– to be seen and valued
– to be connected —-share feelings in common.
– to belong —-to feel safe.
These are the five things I share in more detail in the book BLOOM ~ The Essential Journey
3. The signs that it may be nigh are…
When a relationship that previously ran smoothly gets to the place where there are frequent misunderstandings, confusion, personal attacks or disappearances, this mostly likely indicates that things are complete. This provides an opportunity to have a “completion conversation” that takes the relationship trajectory to a more conscious level —-together or apart.
4. A relationship does not have to be finished to be complete.
There is always it seems something more that can be worked on… But that thing to be worked on can be resolved in the next phase of a relationship (a new context for being toegether, that is provides a fresh start) or in different relationship with other players.
5. Completion lies within.
Ultimately what allows a relationship to the next phase is when both people find what they need from each other in themselves. At this point, they can freely decide that they really like each other for who they really are and not what they each provide or expect from each other. When this happens the relationship become a truly creative enterprise. Sometimes one person is complete before the other. Here the challenge to complete the relationship gracefully is greater.
As we grow in consciousness we each learn that the most reliable source of what we need is within ourselves; and to the extent that we find them there, others come into our lives as reflections of what we have found within.
The state of your relationships it seems are a demonstration pf the extent to which you are complete within yourself.